What a lovely lady. I joked to Maggie that her horses are ruining me, but she pointed out that it's important to know how it should feel. And how did it feel? Like I was riding a mind-reading horse - Maggie said it was weight distribution, but I'm not sure it wasn't black magic.
An air of mystery surrounds Maggie: she told me a secret that has stopped the Vile Beast from laying waste to my demesne. By this I mean that my cat likes to empty his bowels inside my house. On one memorable occasion he did so having eaten something disagreeable and been caught short whilst sleeping between my pillows. I cannot repeat what I said when I discovered that at 2am.
I previously tried everything. And I mean everything. Chemical sprays which smelt vile, food bowls in his favourite laying waste spots, restricting his access to anywhere containing soft furnishings (he loves a soft landing) and, in my darker moments, shouting:
"YOU BELONG IN BATTERSEA CATS' HOME YOU VILE BEAST".
All this has stopped since Maggie told me the secret. I'll tell you in return for hard cash. Apply at rmmongolderby@gmail.com.
One day Maggie is going to find I've spun my own spell and magicked her lovely Basil...
Will dance for dinner.
Into the Vile Beast. Who does fetch, after all so perhaps it wouldn't be too rubbish a swap?
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